By Jonathan Borella
My spirituality has become the main guiding force in my life. It plays a role in almost every decision I make, in my relationships with family and friends, and in my perspective of the world. Indeed, as the days go by, I am noticing my life and my spirituality are becoming one.
My so-called spiritual journey set off when I started becoming aware of the immense suffering in the world. I saw people unable to maintain relationships, destroying their lives with drugs, and pillaging the environment in pursuit of pleasure. So I started to look at myself, and how I interacted with the world. I didn’t like what I saw. I decided to change.
I don’t think I ever decided to become a “spiritual” person but when one dedicates one’s life to a path, it becomes a spirituality. One of the fi ways I saw this manifesting was in my diet. So much of the suffering in the world is caused by how people consume. I decided to become a conscious consumer. I was a self-described barbeque lover until I transitioned to vegetarian and finally vegan. Now, any time I decide what to eat, my spirituality is present. And my conscious consuming didn’t just stop with my diet. From there, I cut animal products out of nearly all my daily necessities. I began driving less and cutting my water consumption in half. This may seem like a drag to some people, but I wouldn’t call it spirituality if I didn’t enjoy it.
I used to be very cynical. I used to think that if other people didn’t care about me, why should I care about other people? But, as I became a more conscious consumer, I realized that all my previous consuming habits were rooted in that selfish attitude. That realization exposed the flaw in my cynical logic and I asked myself the flip side of the same question. “If I don’t care about other people, why should other people care about me?” If no one is caring about anyone else, nothing will change. The question then became: “Do I have the initiative and courage to change myself?” It became clear to me that this would be the ground of my spiritual path and the only way I could effect any real change in the world.
I started to train myself in empathy: seeing myself in the other person and seeing the other person in me. This aspect of my spiritual path has proven to require the most attention. When I see someone making mistakes, or causing harm, it is so easy to fall into judging and condemning. But that attitude has never helped me before. Now when I catch myself in this view, I have to remind myself that I am not seeing things clearly. I am only seeing the tip of the iceberg and there is still so much more to this person I don’t understand. Trying to understand someone means caring about him. Now I try to see her situation in life, her difficulties. Sometimes I may offer advice. Most of the time, though, I know my words are not needed. I used to preach a lot about what people should and shouldn’t do. Now I try to make the way I live my life an example to follow.
My spiritual path began with a sense of compassion, wanting to do something about the suffering in the world. I don’t know what ignited this initial sense of compassion but the more and more I practice, the more I keep coming back to it. Compassion has to be both the means and the end.
Jonathan Borella is a student at Lane Community College in Eugene, Oregon, where he practices with the Cedar Sangha.