By Jessica Skyleson

Sitting with my Sangha on a chilly December morning, preparing for our recitation ceremony, I suddenly realized I had no memory at all of the Fourteen Mindfulness Trainings. I was unable to remember a single one, though as an aspirant, I have been reciting them monthly for several years. Once so familiar to me, they had been unexpectedly wiped from my mind, along with many other memories, as a result of my ongoing chemotherapy treatments. Thus I found myself reading these guidelines—the very foundation of our practice—as if for the very first time.  

Initially shocked and a bit dismayed by this lapse in memory, I slowly grew to delight in my predicament. Here was an opportunity to read and consider the trainings with fresh eyes, a gift of true beginner’s mind, after many years of practice! Breathing deeply as the wisdom of each was revealed, I recognized the connections between them, the interbeing within the trainings themselves, and found myself reawakened in my commitment to practice.

As I listened to the trainings, phrases from each resonated with me. When my turn came to read aloud, we had reached the Seventh Mindfulness Training: Dwelling Happily in the Present Moment. The serendipity made me smile; here I was, indeed dwelling happily in the present moment, enjoying one of the many gifts I have been given during my cancer journey. With only hazy memories of the past, and without yet the energy to worry about the future, I was placed squarely in the present moment, in a way I had never been able to fully experience before. 

As I read the Seventh Mindfulness Training, the phrase “transformation and healing of our consciousness” immediately spoke to me. Since being diagnosed with stage 4 cancer this past year, I have been undergoing a deep and profound transformation, one that is not only healing my own consciousness but also enabling me to carry this healing into the world. I first began to understand the nature of this transformation a few weeks later, while attending the Winter Solstice Celebration at MorningSun Mindfulness Center.

As a part of this celebration, we performed a Spiral Walk Ceremony: boughs of evergreen branches were placed in a spiraling labyrinth pattern on the floor, leading to a single, central candle. Starting in darkness, this one candle was lit, serving as the spark for all others. One by one, each person then walked in silent meditation through the spiral, reflecting upon a sincere intention. When we reached the center, we each lit our own candle from the central flame, then placed our candle amongst the boughs. 

Slowly, the room was illumined with the growing light from many candles, all burning brightly, yet each slightly different from the others. Some candles flickered from hidden places in the greenery, and others shone out brightly along the edges. The newest candles to be lit radiated strongly, whilst earlier candles offered a warm, fading glow. All burned at their own rates and in diverse ways, but all were equally beautiful.

As firelight slowly consumed the candles, I felt the room filled with a sense of peace alongside vigilance. For the candles, although beautiful, could also cause harm. We carried them with care and watched the flames closely, ensuring they did not catch the pine boughs or our clothing, or cause burns. Then, as the wax melted, each flame needed to be gently extinguished before it reached the candle’s wooden base. It was a collective exercise in mindfulness and concentration, requiring us all to remain fully aware of the present moment, in the midst of our own individual thoughts.

Sitting before the lighted spiral, I realized that my experience of cancer is very much like having an extremely bright flame lit within me. The fire is unexpected, formidable, and intense, causing great pain and significant suffering. Even as I have gone through the treatments, I’ve found myself ablaze with fever and seared by ever-present hot flashes, and have “burned” off all of my hair! 

Yet I am gradually working to incorporate this fire within me, learning to hold and contain it. Through this journey, I have realized I am becoming a candle: at once both transforming the fire and being transformed by it. Just like the candles within the spiral, my flame too can bring peace, yet also requires constant vigilance. With the practice of mindfulness, I can use this flame to bring light to many others.

As I meditated on this insight and my interbeing with the candles, I observed that they did not rush about, attempting to light the other candles. Nor did they guard their own glow, holding it tightly against themselves. They simply stood, shining brightly and sharing their light with all. I understood that simply by finding my own joy in the present moment, my light will shine out, bringing joy and brightness to others. Through interbeing, my joy is shared joy: the joy of the Sangha. In choosing to embrace the wonders of life available only in the present moment, I allow my inner light to strengthen and shine through, adding brightness to the world.

Shortly after the Winter Solstice, during a celebration of the New Year, I received a tangible reminder of my new insight into the Seventh Mindfulness Training. At the conclusion of our Sangha’s New Year meditation, my Dharma teacher passed out small cards. As I looked down at mine, the sudden serendipity made me smile again. It was illustrated with an image of the Buddha sitting surrounded by candles, and a quote:  

Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, 
And the life of the candle will not be shortened.  
Happiness never decreases from being shared.

-Buddha